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<title>why do i do this to myself by thisshitsstupidbutwhatever (orphan_account)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22365844">why do i do this to myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thisshitsstupidbutwhatever'>thisshitsstupidbutwhatever (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Own Head</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:15:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>253</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22365844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/thisshitsstupidbutwhatever</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>i’m just a plain dumbass</p>
            </div></td></tr>

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<a name="section0001"><h2>why do i do this to myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i know it’s going to hurt to read</p><p>i know it’s going to hurt to play the same 4 songs over and over again</p><p>i know that if i think about it in my bed before i fall asleep, when i normally think about her, that it’s going to hurt</p><p>so why do i do it? </p><p>i saw him on the bus today, and he hasn’t looked at me like that in ages</p><p>i wonder if he still cares about me</p><p>ofc i care about him, i love him</p><p>he replaced my brother growing up, he replaced the girl best friends that i hated. he knows my darkest secrets and is apart of my happiest memories</p><p>he made sure i fit in with the guys growing up, tackling me all the same. he threw me the ball over Kevin because i could catch better than he could. i was faster than the boys</p><p>god i forgot how much i love him</p><p>he feels like my childhood, and i don’t have any bad memories with him. he taught me how to be cool, he taught me what to do and what to not do. i taught him how to read and he taught me how to solve my equations.</p><p>he just played with snapchat filters with me, he still cares about me, he wants to talk to me. finally, </p><p>someone from my childhood who loves me.</p><p>my brother, my hoodie borrower, my shoulder to cry on, my friend, my friendly bully. </p><p>i missed him</p>
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